Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Hello everyone,

I decided to be a little bit bold today and talk about SEX.

I have always wondered why it is so difficult for parents to talk about Sex with their kids.
I know I didn't get the sex talk from my parents. Were they shy? Or was it because of the society? (You know in some places its still considered an abomination to talk about it)
What would they have done if I had boldly asked them to teach me about sex.
Why is it that in our society sex is still a hush hush topic, especially amongst the religious sect.
Why is it that we behave as though it doesn't exist.
Why is it that when you talk about it you are automatically labeled a very bad girl or boy?
Why do people behave as though they don't know anything about it, when we are evidence that our parents had sex at least once?

One day On her show, Tyra Banks interviewed a few teenage girls, who where less than 14 and who had all had sex. All of them said that they would have wished that their parents had, had the sex talk with them. They said if they had had the sex education they probably wouldn't have dabbled into sex that early, or listened to their friends...Now this is America?

Can you imagine how difficult it is out here.
How many kids get the sex talk from their parents?

A girl told me that when she saw her period for the first time she didn't know what it meant. When she told her mother about it, her mother told her that now she had become a woman and that if a boy touched her she would become pregnant...

Now imagine when she realized that touching didn't make you pregnant. I am sure she would have been disappointed that her mother lied. Concluding in her mind that her friends knew better about SEX than her mother.
(Peer pressure)

Or is it a boy who just discovers that he has started having wet dreams, in the hostel, and is being teased by his bunk mates. Or has just been introduced into the deadly snarl of masturbation. Emotions running wild, confusion, enjoyment, gratification, shame and then father not there to give him the man to man talk? Imagine what he will grow up thinking.

I wonder why then do we have kids when we can't talk to them about anything?

There was this research that said almost 75% of married women do not have an orgasm. This news is a bit controversial, but it will shock you to know that a lot of women and men have never had proper sex education.

Sex or lack of it is one of the things that results in marriages crashing. Either, the man isn't getting enough or the women is just not interested, or both of them haven't taken the time to understand each other's needs..

It's sad that even when we go to meet our spiritual heads, they do not give us the real facts about sex.

I wish we will grow into a generation that can comfortably talk about sex: "the bad and the good". I wish we will be able to give our children the sex talk without shouting down their heads or lying about it to them or making them feel they will burn in hell because their hormones are very active.

I want to have sons, and I pray that when the time comes they will be able to talk to me about their first crush, their first kiss, the changes they notice in their bodies as they approach puberty and the almighty sex talk....In fact I want them to be able to tell me anything.

Please let me know if your parents ever gave you the sex talk and what stories they told cos I know a lot of our parents told us a lot of funny stories about SEX.


Monday, August 29, 2011

Women Are Better At Multitasking Than Men

Hello everyone. How are you?
I hope your weekend went well, cos mine was fantastic..
I couldn't post for some days, cos for some reason my Internet has been acting up. I can't imagine why we have to pay for not so good Internet in this country. Anyways enough of my lamenting.. Let's get down to the business of the day.

Women better at Multitasking than men.
Scientist have proven that women are better at multitasking than men.. (Sorry to my male followers...I am just saying...loll)..

If you ask me: I had known this all along, didn't need any scientific research to figure it out. From time women have been known to do more that 2, 3 things at the same time..

Have you ever imagined how a woman can wake up early, get the kids ready for school, drop them off at school, go to work, pick them up from school, go back to work to round off for the day. Come back home, late, prepare supper, breakfast and lunch for the next day. Put the kids in for bed, pray, retire to the room to a husband waiting to have fun. And then the cycle continues the next day...

Hmm this to me is serious multitasking.
K forgive me for exaggerating a little bit, but I am sure a lot of us have mothers, aunties, friends, pastor's wives, who have at one point in their lives gone through this tiresome routine, and without help.

I give it to them..
Let me toot my own horn.. I do not do all the many things listed above, but I know that when I cook, I like to cook about 3 dishes at the same time (this is for storage. Giving time to lazy about..loll), write and read at the same time. Now if you ask me this is serious multitasking on my part...loll.

Anyways do let me know if you actually multitask...
Have you ever done your make-up while driving?

AHHH me I have been guilty of that, especially in the traffic.. Now this is multitasking..

Do take care of yourself and have a lovely public holiday.. for those of us in Nigeria.

N/B: " for more info check " The TELEGRAPH" article by Richard Gary.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Today as I clicked on my twitter page I saw this tweet :

"If I can meet my beautiful wife, have 2 children and be massively successful after being burned over 85% what can you do?"...

I couldn't help it, so I had to do a little research on the man called " PAUL V HARRIS"..
He was definitely burned.
He has a scared face, undergone a lot of surgery after a horrific automobile accident, which resulted in a prolonged stay at the hospital, and he was pronounced dead 3 times, while he was at the hospital.
He has been able to create his own good luck. Not only that he has also been able to motivate people, teaching them that fear is only a limitation. He says if I can do it you can TOO. He is an international coach, who is highly sought after. He has been a speaker for 17 years...

He kinda reminds me of our very own Cobhams Asuquo.. The last time I heard him speak, he said that his blindness was his legal right to take a bowl and stand by the road demanding for money, but he didn't do it cos he wanted something better in life.. So he used his disabilities for his own good. Today he is married, sings beautifully, a good sought after music producer. Instead of wallowing in self pity, he rose up from it and overcame the odds.

If people with disabilities can be able to use their disabilities for their own good, and make an impact in society: then what excuse do I have for not following my dream and making an impact on this earth?

I will like us to think about our lives.. What is it we would like to do?
is it to be a better colleague?
a better wife/husband?
a better parent
a good friend
the best entrepreneur ever
to take care of lost children?
to love God more?etc

Whatever it is, trust me you can do it.

Quotes from Paul V Harris: " Don't let anyone tell you what your limitations are"...

Note: for me I have decided to start my 4Th novel.. I have the story line already mapped out. Along the line I will definitely ask you guys for some advise and I know it will be worth it.

Do take care and have a lovely day.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Few Business Tips

Hi everyone.. I will stop apologizing for my bad habits..
I use to be a regular blogger, I don't know what happened to me.
I am so sorry. I Will try my best to be better.

Anyways today I will like to talk about a few business tips I learnt during my research.

One of the things that made me weary about entrepreneurship was the risk involved. Even though I had great ideas, it was difficult to execute them, especially with the pressure in our society to go to school, graduate and work in a good establishment. Matters weren't any better when I found out that almost 60% of small businesses fold up after 2 years of coming on board.

If you remember the post that had some few tips for small businesses, I talked about "overhead cost" being one of the greatest problems of small businesses. So I did a little research about businesses one can do that can eliminate overheads drastically and you will never guess... IT'S FOOD

Now hear me out... Even though I do not like cooking, I know that this business is a business one can start in one's kitchen.
One thing that is common all over the world is that everybody has a kitchen or a place where the food is prepared no matter how little.

The good thing about cooking is that your clients usually will pay you first before the job is done. If you are into "retail feeding" (Lol, laughing at my words retail feeding, but I know you understand what I mean), your customers never come in and buy food on credit.. They always pay for their food. Meaning: "Clients do not owe".

My mother's saying: "anybody who cooks for a living always has food in his/her house. Meaning that your household will not lack FOOD.

But if I may ask? Are there not a lot of eateries, mamaputs, food outlets in Nigeria, Lagos alone, has uncountable.
How do you then break into the market and make a living from cooking?

1. You have to have a target market:
who do you want to sell to? Do you want to feed the very rich, the middle class or the masses? When you have decided who your target market is, with your expenses you can now determine your pricing. Be very careful not to be to pricey and not to be to low so that you can make profits.

2. You have to have your special dish.

You should be known for something, Something very special. Some years ago there was a new fast-food called "Skippers" that opened in PORT HARCOURT, just in between two already established fast-food chains. Everybody wondered how they were going to cope with the competition. This fast-food came out with their special moin-moin recipe. The moin moin was cooked in leaves, which wasn't common at that time in Port Harcourt, giving it a different kind of taste. It had Cornbeef and fish in it. This was their special dish. Everyday people waited in line for this moin moin to come out of the kitchen.. I know my family would buy nothing less than 20 pieces, and they were relatively affordable. This brought them customers, who were introduced to their other dishes through the help of their special moin moin.

Like "Skippers" look for a special dish. It may not necessary be a dish it could be pastries, like cookies, cupcakes, etc....

I love "Chocolat Royal" cos of their walnut muffins. It has become a habit every Sunday by 7 a.m I am there with my friend picking up muffins for the morning. Very nice if you ask me.
I have a friend who makes the most fantastic cupcakes ever and she gets a lot of orders.In fact I have told her that she will get a husband through her cooking cos she cooks so well.

I know a man who sells plantain chips and he makes an average of #500,000 daily. He sells his plantain chips for #50 i.e. less than a dollar.

I am not usually a Wazobia listener but one day I happen to stumble upon the station, they were talking about a woman in Lagos who was an akara seller. It was said that she makes about #15,000 to #40,000 i.e. $100 to $300 daily from her akara sale. She has used her akara business to put her children through schools, and very expensive schools....

So what are we saying...
Are you thinking of starting your own little fast-food from you home?
The good thing is that you will always find help when it comes to cooking, either the men in the house coming in to taste your food, giving you a thumbs up or your sisters, cousins, parents etc helping around, cos they want their own share of the pie.....LOL

Above all your "over head COST", is seriously reduced..
Think about it...

It's time to go...
Do take care and have a good night's rest.

P.S." remember always follow your passion"..

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Hi everyone..again I am sorry. It's just as though I have been so busy to write or post..
I have just sent one of my books for editing and I am hoping the editor will love it. I am also sending the second one to a friend of mine. So hopefully, keeping fingers crossed I will have a published book by the end of this year or let's say next year...

Anyways back to the topic of today..."Precious"..

How many of you have seen the movie... I just saw it yesterday and I cried.

Precious had a horrible life...
The worse part for me was having 2 children for her father..
How sad..
Her mother didn't help matters as she abused her verbally and physically.
I was grieved when at the end she was told that she was HIV+

Do you know that there are a lot of "Preciouses" in Nigeria, but what is sad is that we hide it.
We ostracize the women who have been raped...

A lady that works for me said her husband left her for his cousin..I couldn't believe it. I had to ask if he knew and she said that he knew... this is incest..
It happens here, but we turn the order way saying this only happens outside Nigeria.

I can remember a program on the radio where a girl called in and said that she had been raped by her sister's husband. Some of the people that called said that it was the little girl's fault. How can it be your fault that you where raped? They said that she seduced the man. They didn't care that this girl was just about 12 years and had been traumatized. For she couldn't imagine a man old enough to be her father raping her.

I think it is time for us to start talking..
I think it is time for women to start fighting for the Right to speak and the Right to be heard...
I think it is time we stop covering up everything and tell the truth.
Mothers should be able to be there for their daughters who had been raped.
Fathers should act as fathers and not as uncaring humans.

Do have a lovely week.

Notez Bien : Counter Kulture on the 20th of August @ the dome, Lekki Phase 1, Lagos. 2pm... Fashion, Music, Drama, Lifestyle, Food. Be there.

Lastly I will like to say welcome to our new followers. I hope you have fun.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Hmmm Karen what a character I must say.
Now that all the hype of BIG BROTHER is over I wonder what she must be doing now.
It's so funny I can remember when BIG BROTHER started almost everybody I knew including me couldn't stand Karen. We felt she was very local, bush, razz you name it. In fact there was one episode I watched where she was told to read out a task and she couldn't even read properly. All the housemates where laughing at her.
But along the line, I don't know what happened or how it happened, she became our love.
I must give it to her, she was everything I will not want in a woman.. Maybe my grandmother will be rolling in her grave at her unladylike manners, but at the end she won.

I picked up a very valid lesson and I will stick to IT:

"Despite what people thought of her, she stuck with being herself. She didn't care if the next person was going to criticize her or tell her she wasn't fit to be called a Nigerian. She was just KAREN with a large heart. You may not agree with me but I think its true. It got me thinking
Why am I always worried about what people will say?
Why should their opinion of me put me in misery?
If I am not myself then who am I deceiving? Really who?...

I remember when I went to have a haircut and I told the barber I wanted a Mo hawk I was so scared and so ashamed to walk out of the salon. My mind racing wondering what people would say about me?
Will they think I am very unruly or will they think I am not a christian or will they think I am a unserious?
All these thoughts and more ran through my mind... after taking control of my thoughts, I became in charge and said " to hell with what anybody thinks"...

You will not believe, but everybody likes my hair.
They say I have guts and courage. They say I am bold.
They say I have defied the rules and regulations of being married,
but I say I am just being me.

You no what? I have learnt that even if I have a hair cut, or I have a weave, people will still love me or hate me. I should be myself and enjoy this life for it is too short to be ruled by the misery of others.

N/B : my "to do list"
From last week monday till today: I have read 6 novels. 3 by Sandra Brown very interesting author her books are a melange of romance and suspense, and I love it.
Myne Whiteman's book " a love rekindled". I can't help loving it. I love that the twin brothers could tell each other's thoughts. I am in love with twin boys.
Still struggling with the non fiction book: the one about "social media". That is taking a lot of my patience..loll..

I wrote my article.
I didn't send in my CV cos I thought about it, and not sure that's what I want to do.
I didn't post every day on my blog cos MY Internet was acting up which gave me a big excuse to be lazy.
I have finished 1 of the baby afghan(blankets).....

New to do list asap.

I guess it's good to set task, one way or the other you kinda come around to it.

Do take care of yourself and have a lovely day.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Lesson 1

Hello everyone...sorry I didn't have a post yesterday, my Internet was acting up, so I couldn't do anything. But I succeeded in keeping to my diet...hmm how me its so hard.. NO FIZZY DRINK

Anyways like I promised I will like to gist you what I learnt....

I was conducting a research and I realized that a lot of small business stand the risk of folding up after 2 years of operation. Why? I realized that even though they don't realize it, they seem to have problems with debts, managements and the almighty "FUNDS".

First of all a lot of us have huge business plans which state that we have to have 5 million naira in other to start a business.

Now I ask myself: "who is going to give you a loan of #250,000 for a start when you haven't proven that you can turn water into wine?
How do you think you will get a loan of 5 million naira? And so we sit there not doing anything just waiting for the funds which will never come.

There are a lot of things to do to avoid making mistakes or borrowing huge sums of money that one may spend the rest of one's life paying...

1. Before you start a business note this: " it's very difficult to get a loan. Even if you can, it is not advisable to rush quickly to take a loan. Look around you: "what is it you can do that can generate the money you need for the business? It has to be a skill or what you have in your head or a service you can offer. I believe everybody can do the extraordinary when they are forced to. For example if you will like to own a restaurant, and you don't have money to start, you can start by cooking in your house and just inviting friends over. I know at least you can sacrifice a few cups of rice for a tasting party. Trust me word of mouth is one of the strongest form of marketing and it can get your name out there. If your food is lovely nobody will forget, as I have learnt people like good food. I know someone who had a tasting party for her sandwiches and that's how her sandwich business kicked off. Within months she was making sales of #50,000 i.e. about $300 daily. As it occurred to you that teachers who want to be owners of schools, start out first by organizing after school lessons. This they do for years before they finally open their school. OR photographers who freelance for a long time till they are able to open their propre studio......

2. As much as possible run away from overheads, this is something you don't need when starting a business. In Nigeria were the electricity isn't that great, you have to supplement with generator, meaning fuel or diesel, meaning extra expenses. The notion that you must rent an office, or have a shop is wrong. At first you can start from anywhere, preferably your house. With the advent of social media, it's easy for one to be in one's house and conduct one's business. You can always meet your clients in their office. That a lot easier for them, as it removes the hassle of locating your office. (note for this make sure you have a credible online presence).

3. As an entrepreneur you must have a focus...only you know what your focus is. When you stay on that you will see that little by little you will get to your goal.

4. Never start a business that you are not passionate about. For instance I, Tamunoibifiri Mobolaji-Kamson decides that I want to go into catering...HOW? Why? Because I can see that all over the world food brings in the money. Now I am very sure that I will fold up in less than 2 years. For I do not have any passion in cooking whatsoever. The comedian "Basketmouth" said he started as a stand up comedian in 1995, but didn't get his first big break until 2001. He said if you do not have the passion don't do it".

I will stop here and I hope you had fun. If there is any other thing you will like to add to this list please feel free to do so. If there is anything that doesn't go well with you, just let me know. I am open to your comments and your questions.

For the record I am through with Myne Whitman's book " A LOVE REKINDLED" and I must say I loved it".

Do take care of yourself and see you tomorrow..


Monday, August 1, 2011

My List

Good morning everyone. I hope we all had a lovely weekend. Thank you for your comments on facebook and on secretlilies. I am always encouraged anytime I see them.

Today is Monday and I have a list of things I need to accomplish this week. I hope I accomplish them all.

1. I need to write 2 articles and make sure they are accepted.
2. Review my book and send it to a friend who has offered to edit it for me and pray that she finds it publishable.
3. Work on my CV and send it to a french friend, as I am looking for ways to practice my french weekly.

4. Read and finish 3 books this week. (I wonder how I will do this with all the things on my plate.... I have to read a book about social network as I will be doing my first public speaking in about a month's time).. Imagine of all the things they will want me to speak on: " social network".. What do I know about social network.
My dears quickly I had to run to look for a book, or something that will help. Anyways will gist you about it soon. Then I have Myne Whiteman's " A love Rekindled" which I will love to read this week. And the third one is BlACKBIRD" by Jude Dibia. (Hmmm.. I joined a readers club and this book was recommended.. I hope I love it).

5. I have an order for 3 baby blankets, so I have to make that. Good thing, the blankets will be delivered within a month, so no hurry. But I will still like to start now, as crocheting helps me relax.
6. Oh don't forget I need to do some cooking, which I hate...wait a minute.. I don't have to any more for Temi will not be around..yippee...Although I will miss him sha...
A little secret I have also started my diet and this got Temi scared cos he thought I was going to starve him. LOL. Anyways I actually want to stop eating from 7pm, cos I hear that it is the remedy to reduce big tummy and you will not believe it, but my stomach is too big for my size. I actually have to take my tummy in when I go out"...

7. My friend: author of Diary of a desperate Naija woman, told me that I should post regularly on my blog. She said the intervals were to long. So I have decided that I will try to say something every day, or at least every other day. I hope you don't get bored and stop commenting.

8. I have decided to learn something new every day. Don't worry I will practice what I will learn on you guys, (don't be scared they will all be positive things). So from now on I will be giving tips on a lot of things, mostly "Advise for small businesses in Nigeria" (I hope I am able to carry this cross, for it is hard..loll), a little about health, lifestyle and a little about fashion...

9. I need to make sure I read my bible and pray everyday..

10. I need to stick to my rule and wake up everyday by 7am, have my bath and go to work, even though I work from my house.

HMMMMMM my brothers and sisters, this list sef I have put together e no easy at all... God will help me.

Do take care of yourself and as always I will let you know if I was able to achieve all that I set out to do this week.