Monday, March 25, 2013

Rivers State/ Tribe Ijaw

Good morning every body so this week we continue our different tribes in Nigeria... Its time for my tribe. I will also try not to be to partial and try not to be to hard because this is so dear to my heart..

The Rivers State people especially the Riverine areas (villages and towns surrounded by water, sea, etc) are very clean. I know it is a taboo in my place to use the bowl/bucket used in the toilets in the kitchen as well. In fact it is not allowed into the kitchen.

 They are very English in their ways if you know what I mean (this is attributed to their early interaction with the white)

They are rich...(water is a source of wealth, easy access to internationally trade)...

 The men make sure they are properly dressed, the women as well. There is a certain pride in them when they know they are properly dressed.

We are very rich in culture, women save their wealth in gold, corals and wrappers.

There is this saying that a lot of the men who relocate to Port Harcourt end up marrying Port Harcourt girls..(note Temi is a victim of Why? I guess maybe it has to do with our delicacies.. We have a lot of beautiful, delicious, expensive dishes that when served to a man, he most certainly will forget his own name.

We are one of the best swimmers in the world, wish our government would realize that and work towards getting us to represent Nigeria in the Olympics.

I hear fertility is very high amongst males and females and it has been attributed to the sea food that we eat almost on a daily basis....

Down side

Our pride/ego is so big especially with the men that it hinders them from learning anything...when you can't learn you can't grow, when you can't grow you can't make money.

Promiscuity is very hard. I find it annoying that I should have kids for different men...why should I even have a kid for a man when he can't even take care of himself. What is going to happen to my unborn child? I wish the women will learn a lot from the Igbo women who will make sure they squeeze enough out of the men to be able to take care of themselves and their family.

Down side of oil being discovered: everybody's focus is on it, and this goes to the whole of Nigeria. Now there are a lot more things that can come out from the islands other than oil.... Bonny Island can have one of the largest paper manufacturing company in the world...because of the pulp leaves which just lie fallow in the creeks.

Above all I love my tribe and my people, I have a lot of great plans for them and I hope I can accomplish them before I died.

Wish you all a wonderful week and make sure you achieve something great this week.

P.S. will like to say thank you to all those that read "Kemka's story... thank you for your comments, emails, whatsapp messages, Facebook messages, text messages and phone calls. Kemka's mother is really grateful. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Kemka's hero, His Mother

With the permission of my friend I will re post this for everyone. I feel this will give people hope, help in situations, encourage families and who knows even help in donations... so I have decided not to post about the next Nigeria tribe.. doesn't mean I have forgotten it, getting back to it after this post...

My Son Kemka

The first and only note I have ever written on facebook was about my son Kemka on the 20th of May 2011 when he turned 1, and here I am again writing about Kemka, my beautiful, unique, awesome son.
Kemka was 15 months when I realized he wasn't answering to his name. This discovery started my journey down a long, painful yet worthwhile journey. I watched him for a while, then voiced my concerns to family and close friends. Everyone thought: "Nyema, you are over thinking it". He has met all his milestones, he babbles and even has quite a few words, he counts 1-3 when walking down the stairs, he is a happy kid! maybe he just doesn't like the name kemka, became the joke of the day.

But as a mother I worried, I was afraid. Slowly I started to notice he didn't play with his peers, wouldn't say bye when I left him to work, wouldn't make eye contact even if you had your face up in his, would rather play on his own and he slowly started to loose the few words he had, and slowly stopped following simple commands. I saw my son disappear from my home and I just had a stranger walking around in his body. By the time Kemka was 19 months I needed nobody to tell me something was wrong. I decided to see the GP with him during my maternity leave in the UK. I did and after seeing Kemka she referred us to a psychologist when Kemka was 22 months and after about 2 hours he came up with a report which was inconclusive as Kemka's hearing test came back fine and didn't quiet fit the requirement for a developmental defect. The doctor recommended that we have a repeat eval when Kemka turned 3. By this time kemka had completely stopped eating, stopped all forms of communication with us expert pulling your hand and taking it to what he wanted, and had stopped following any directives or commands at all, wouldn't respond to his name even if you yelled. This was frustrating and scary. I cried so much I wished I was dead. The more people told me nothing was wrong with him the more I was going insane because I felt everyone thought I was mad. I waited another month then opted to see a pediatrician for a milestone eval. When I told the pedriatrican what I knew to be the history, he conducted anN evaluation for Autism and other related illness on Kemka as well. 1day postpartum............that was a lot to take in.........

We saw the speech therapist and her eval showed Kemkas communication level at the stage of 6 months and by this time he was 24 months. Again a suspicion of Autism but cannot be diagnosed until he is three years old. By this time google had told me all I needed to know about Autism and more, and I woke up in hell every morning  after then. I became afraid of the future what it will hold for my beautiful boy, I prayed many prayers, I cried many tears, I felt completely helpless, wanted to spin my magic wand and make my son OK, make it all go away lil miss fix it just wanted to fix it. My greatest fear came when we will walk into a public place and Kemka will walk away and just keep walking away not looking back to find mummy or anyone else, not even if you screamed his name, I feared that my son didn't know me any more, would just keep walking if I didn't physically stop him and he would walk away and disappear forever, that thought visited my dreams every night. We came back home and I started a search for therapist in Nigeria specialized in autism and I found Blazing Heart Autism Center. Kemka started his therapy with Blazing Heart and they were doing a good job, managed to slowly bring back his eye contact if you stood up in his face. I continued my research with dear google and then I read about early intensive intervention therapy for children 18-36months with remarkable results of possibly a full recovery from autism. I discussed with my husband and we decided that we should try this option with Kemka. We had to take the decision for me to take a leave of absence from work for a year to enable me spend time with Kemka as he goes through therapy.

Kemka is soooooooooooooooooo much better now, he is 34 months now, he has amazing eye contact, seeks you out to play, he understands simple commands, when we go out to a public place, he turns around to look for his mummy's hands holds on firm and would never let go....And I am reassured my boy isn't going anywhere. He isn't fully there yet, but I know he is fighting his way through. I see my son coming back to the happy playful kid he used to be, I see him filing my world with love, joy and laughter. Its been a rough journey, still so much more to be achieved, still some hurdles to cross, some challenges to overcome, more victories to be won. I still cry quiet a few tears but some of them are now tears of joy.

"I cried as I read this and I am so happy that Kemka has the best mum ever.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Yorubas

Hello guys today I am talking about the Yoruba tribe, I am married to a Yoruba man but I will try not to be partial. lol

Anyways I loved the comment, emails and face book messages I got from the last post about the Igbo tribe.. Nice one keep them coming guys cos its very encouraging.

The Yoruba's are known to be scholars. I find it so funny that I will go to a friend's house and see a picture of their grandfather or mother graduating from a university in the UK, in 1914 which was very rear at that time. (If you know what i mean)

Secondly I think they are one tribe that has the highest set of British Nigerians as a lot of them where born in the UK before the law was changed.

I find them also very enterprising as in that the Balogun Alhajas seat down on pots of gold if you know what I mean. They may not know how to speak English, in fact a lot of them just stick to the Yoruba that they know, but the business of making money they understand. Like I said in my last post money doesn't care what language you understand provided you understand it's principles.

I find both their men and women to be very hardworking and enterprising, I like to think that they work hard and party harder.

When I lived in Port Harcourt, my dream in life was to go to school, graduate, do a 9 to 5, marry, have kids, retire at most build one or two houses for retirement benefits and then grow old and finally die... all these changed when I got to Lagos and I saw what a lot of my mates even girls younger than I was working it..hustling... struggling to see their business work and grow. I watched friends start from nothing to something... Lagos put me on my feet. My Yoruba friends put me on my feet. I still had the dreams of marrying and having kids, but the 9 to 5 changed I realised that I loved being my own boss ( in my head if Jumoke could do it then I could). So instead of wanting just one or two houses I would love a lot more, strictly for business purposes.

They are not to particular about having male children... even though you still find some that wont change.

The down sides of the Yoruba's

They are very clueless as to the other tribes in Nigeria. I find it annoying when they refer me and all the other tribes as Igbo... are they for real..don't they know that there is Niger delta, there are states like Rivers State, Cross Rivers state etc...

They can be tribalistic, although I  think a lot of that is changing as you know I am married to a Yoruba guy...(lol I am sure you will say this lady is just rubbing it in...sorry can't help it).

Now I get to their culture I just don't understand why I have to prostrate as a sign of respect. I can show my respect by just being polite... I think they should be open to other people's culture.

This is what I find very amusing: Yoruba's are the most unserious Moslem's I have ever come across. I can never forget the day i went for a Yoruba Muslim's wedding after the Muslim rights and wedding, a pastor suddenly materialized and started praying in GOD the father, GOD the son and GOD the Holy Ghost I was as shocked as can be.

I think I will stop here... please let me know what you think and if there is anything I have missed just feel free to send them in.

P.S. "this is not in anyway intended to insult anybody or tribe.

Do take care and have a lovely day...


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Various Tribes (Igbo Tribe)

Nigeria is a country with about 150millions citizens and counting, with different ethnic groups, tribes, villages, languages and divers cultures I love this about Nigeria as it makes the country a very interesting one. I decided that over time I will do a study on a lot of the tribes in Nigeria or should I say as many tribes in Nigeria I can blog about, talking about their weakness and a lot about their strength.
The Ibo tribe is my first point of call as I love their enthusiasm when it comes to making money. Now if you want to be an entrepreneur or are already one, I will advise that you have a few trusted Ibo friends by your side, understudy them as they conduct their business and learn a lot about endurance, determination and not eating one's profit until they have arrived.  (ie this advise is for me)...

I know this guy who goes by the name "OKE Japan", he sells very beautiful professional cameras in Lagos Island. Now his shop/kiosk/store is very small in fact five people can barely seat inside it comfortably (meaning he doesn't pay a lot of money for over head. LOL). Now if you stay in his place for like 3 hours which you usually will do as there are a lot of customers, you will be surprised to find out that he has sold goods worth 3million and all in cash. "His slogan is if you want to speak grammar speak to my wife she has PhD, but if you want to talk business and money come and talk to me, that is what I understand).

An Ibo man will sleep under his brother's bed for 7 years just to learn a trade, after which his brother will settle him, meaning paying him off and sending him off to go and start his own business.

After reading Chinua Achebe's novel "there was a country", I realised that if the federal government had just recognized the talent the Ibo's had and had encouraged them, giving them resources and good standardization of the products, Nigeria would have become the next China or better still blown up before China did. Will this ever happen I almost doubt that, but like always I hope.

It's only an Ibo man that if the government banes the use of generators in Nigeria, instead of lamenting for years and thinking of how this bad luck must be from his village, will just switch to selling transformers without asking questions. I also love them as they mostly believe in volume sales and make good use of it. It surprised me when I got to Republic of Benin and I was told that there is an Igbo market, I had to go and see it myself.

Their weaknesses

They can be very fast and I mean that in a bad way. One is almost very careful when one has a business deal with

Because of their gift of making money, they usually aren't interested in going to school which in a way is comme si comme ca.

Although its gradually changing, Male kids are considered better than female kids. I think this is still prominent amongst Ibo's and I wish it will change soon, that's why I am so happy when I see Igbo families that have strong females.

I gotta sign off...

above all there is an exception to every rule and I think they have a lot in common with the Chinese.

P.S. "Please this post is not intended to insult anybody...just observations....comments will be welcomed.


Sunday, March 10, 2013

My Hero/Happy mother's day

Okay so I have been having phones issues for a long time now and it hasn't been funny. I have resolved to stop using post paid and go to pre-paid. its easier to track my credit use.

Anyways I missed you all and I have to just make it up. I have been working on my bag designs and setting up a business I must say not easy as one is also juggling motherhood.

P.S. Check this space cos some big giveaways: coming soon.

I was just chatting with my neighbour today that men staying sexy and being a mother ain't easy.. This evening I was smelling of baby poop, baby vomit, spit and baby milk. You can imagine how I smelt horrible. Since my darling's bed time is 7pm, after her bed time, I took a hot shower, now that is priceless.

I should have written this post a while ago but couldn't... on the 25th of February I went to pick up Temi from the airport. so with Yosola strapped in her car seat, the radio jamming some lovely tunes I hit the road, ready to go and pick my man. By the time I got to the toll gate, I realised that in my enthusiasm I forgot my bag, meaning I also forgot my wallet meaning I had no money on me. Chei yepa!!!! what was I going to do. Who was going to believe this babe with dark sunglasses, black air conditioned car, that she didn't have a dime on her.
Anyways I just said a short prayer before I got to the toll, quickly I just called out to the attendant and politely explained that I had forgotten my wallet blah blah blah. Without any shakara, the young man told me that I could go... I was so glad and touched...

I know sometimes it's hard to believe good things still happen in this great country of ours, sometimes I even almost don't trust a lot of people I come across as I have been duped several times, but I must say Ibrahim the toll gate attendant was my hero for the day.

Wishing every mother, intending mothers, god mothers, grandmothers happy mothers day...

P.S. "I saw this on facebook : "if every one's mum is the best then who owns the mums that are doing witchcraft?"

Lol I laughed and from the stories I have heard some peoples mums aren't good people at all... But we still wish them a happy mothers day as well.

Happy mother's day to my mum "Prof. Aduabobo Ibitoru Hart