Thursday, July 29, 2010


Time was ticking, my hands sweaty, no courage within, but I knew I had to do it, I just had to do it. Even though it was going to hurt me. Even though I was going to make some few enemies along the way, I just had to do it, it was for the best.
Walking down the corridor, I considered turning back, running away, after all, I had endured for a while and could still endure more. Why stop now?
But the voice within prompted me, reminding me of what my teacher in school once said "the oppressed will forever be oppressed until the day he realizes that he is too is a master, then he becomes the oppressor". I have to become the oppressor. I have to say no to this slavery. I have suffered for so long. I had watched the pain in my children's eyes for years and turned away pretending that it was just a phase and the hurt will go, but it never did. I have to stand up. I have to do something before I lose everything.
Tolu, my darling, my poor boy, my heart, no longer talks to me. He feels it's my fault, he had told me several times to just go away, to leave, but I refused. "What will people say ?" I thought to myself. I will be ridiculed amongst my circle of friends, but I didn't care. I would go on with it, I would leave him.
I can remember the way his eyeballs grew bigger because of the rage within him, I stepped back as usual, trying to protect myself from his rage, then suddenly I remembered that I wasn't alone, my friend was there with me.
There was no way he was going to touch me, not any more.
With the little dignity I had left, I walked out of the house, vowing never to return again.
I know it will not be easy, I know that life will be unfair, but at least I have my angels. At least they no longer hate me, I am their friend now, cos I finally listened.
I don't know what it going to happen, but I know for sure, I am never going back. I am never looking backward, I will just strive to do my best.....who knows life may smile on me again, but I don't want to bank on that............ Maybe marriage was never meant for me, I wish I had known, I will never had gone through this pain.
For now I can only say " had I known", but that is as far as I will go. I will make a life for myself come what may.